The Speaker | Stories With Traction Podcast

PODCAST SHOW NOTES:

SUMMARY:  Many people have asked me over the years, “who is your favorite speaker, Matt?” The Speaker that I’ve learned the most from and who has had the largest impact on my career has been Ryan Avery.  Having him on the Stories With Traction podcast was an honor and privilege.

RYAN AVERY BIO: Ryan is the speaker that shows people and organizations how to go from A to The.  He is an incredible author and world record-breaker.

For more info, check out Ryan HERE.


MATT ZAUN BIO: Matt is an award-winning speaker and storyteller who empowers organizations to attract more clients through the art of strategic storytelling. Matt’s past engagements have catalyzed radical sales increases for over 300 organizations that range from financial institutions to the health and wellness industry.

Matt shares his expertise in persuasion with executives, sales professionals, and entrepreneurs, who he coaches on the art of influence and how to leverage this for profits and impact.

For more info, check out Matt Zaun HERE. 

 

*Below is an AI-generated transcript, which may contain errors.

 

 

Matt Zaun

Life can be funny sometimes, can it?

Like when you record a podcast episode, and you're so excited to share the conversation and all the valuable insights that you learned from your guests with your audience, and then after you finish, you realize that your microphone malfunctioned, and no one can actually listen to it.

That is what happened recently to me. In fact, in this episode, the one that you're about to listen to was supposed to be episode number 15, the milestone of

episode, but that did not happen. Regardless, I'm unbelievably grateful that my guest today was willing to carve out even more time in his packed schedule to record another conversation.

Before I introduce my guest, there is a question that I get asked quite often. Typically, it happens after one of my keynotes or workshops where someone will come up to me and say, thank you so much.

That was awesome. Who do you listen to, Matt? Who is your favorite speaker? And what's interesting to me is the answer to that question has not changed in over a decade.

My favorite speaker is Ryan Avery. I've learned a ton from Ryan over the years. In fact, so much so.

I remember the very first time that I went and saw Ryan live in person. I feel like it was yesterday.

Leading up to that talk, I read one of Ryan's books. I was listening to some of his stuff online and I learned that.

he would be giving a speech at Villanova University, which was only 30 minutes from my house. This was my second wedding anniversary, which was October 2nd of 2013.

I remember having the conversation with my wife, who fortunately was very supportive. I remember her telling me, you've got to go and listen to Ryan.

We'll do our anniversary dinner another day. I went, heard Ryan Avery in person for the first time, and it literally changed my life.

And that is not me over dramatizing it. It changed my life because the concepts he shared were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

And it was what I needed to hear to continue the journey out of that session. I am so excited to have Ryan Avery on the stories of traction podcast so you too can learn from him.

 

Ryan Avery

So Ryan Avery, welcome back to the stories of traction podcast. Very nice intro. I don't know what I can say after that.

So thank you very much, man. I appreciate that very, very much.

 

Matt Zaun 

So I was, I was so excited. We, we, we had this awesome conversation recently. And I remember I, I get off of it and I pull up the footage and I, I could not hear it.

So I had some choice words. I slammed my desk. My, my wife has an office very close to mine.

 

Ryan Avery

So she came into my office and she said, I guess the, the interview didn't go so well. Well, I remember too, because I was in New York and I, I remember we were recording while I was in New York and I said, Hey, it sounds a little scratchy.

Is that okay? And you go, well, it doesn't really sound bad on my end. I was like, okay, no worries.

And also is a really good lesson. You know, you have one of the top podcasts and even you've been doing this for 50, 60, 70 episodes.

And even when we're successful, even when we're doing it for a long time, we still mess up and we still have opportunities to learn and grow.

So it was good for all of us.

 

Matt Zaun 

Absolutely. I learned a valuable lesson. I heavily invested in even more equipment. So it was ultimately, it was a positive thing, right?

There's something that I learned and I can now teach to others on what to do and what not to do.

 

Ryan Avery

So I appreciate you, you furthering that lesson for sure.

 

Matt Zaun

So I want to start off with this, just so people can get a sense of you who Ryan Avery is.

So you have some world records, right? So when I, what, telling people, I'm sure people are shocked to hear that, right?

So you have some world records. So can you tell us a little bit about your world records and why in the world, no pun intended, you want to, do you have world records?

 

Ryan Avery

Yeah, so I have seven currently. I have four scheduled for this year that we've been working on and training for.

And the whole purpose of the world records is we break world records around big issues affecting local communities. So ultimately, what I wanted to do is find an avenue for.

or knowing how I could implement the strategies that I was learning or researching or teaching or developing. And so I didn't wanna be one of those speakers who came up and taught people how to do something, but me, myself, not do it as well.

And so one of the things that I teach is don't be a, b, v. Don't have a podcast, have the podcast.

Don't be a dad, b, v dad, or don't be a leader, b, v leader. Well, if I'm teaching this, I also have to implement this.

I mean, I don't have to, but I want to. And so I've always been fascinated with world records and I was teaching and I was discovering this research and I was developing these strategies.

And I said, well, how are people going to know if it's true or not? How are people going to understand if they can do it as well?

And so I said, well, can I apply these to breaking world records and That's how it got started was using the strategies that I teach to applying it to world records to help other people and communities that I'm a part of.

And yeah, we've been doing that. And so practicing what you preach, essentially. 100% I ultimately learned that the reason why people like doctors or lawyers or these professions that we really look up to or that we respect or who get paid more than most people is they do three things.

Okay, they learn. They practice and they teach. Right, so we all know a variety of people who constantly learn right there the lifetime learners they go to conferences but they don't necessarily implement things that they learn they simply love to learn they read they they brag about reading 52 books a year.

And you know you're like great well what did you do with it. We also know the people who learn and practice.

But they're not necessarily adding value or teaching the lessons that they've learned to help other people get to where they're currently are.

And so ultimately. What I'd like to do with my practice is I'm learning, I'm practicing, and I'm teaching. And in order to be the best at what we want to do, we really got to look at making sure all three of those things.

And we also know the ones who like to teach, right? And they're like 18 years old and they're a life coach and you're like, chill out.

You know, like you learn more things and practice some more stuff. So yeah, making sure that you are learning, practicing, and teaching, and you can write out, here's how I'm doing it.

 

Matt Zaun

Yeah, I appreciate you mentioned that. Now, to focus in on the learn piece, I find it fascinating. I've read a bunch of biographies over the years.

And there's two different things that I think tie into that learning that I'm fascinated with. A lot of great, great individuals have an element of obsession and curiosity to them.

So they're they're obsessing over something. So maybe a subject matter, like storytelling, for instance, obviously, over the years, you probably had some type of obsession and curiosity with how do you connect with.

with your audience. How do you focus on different messaging? Would you agree with that? Would you do you think that in order to get through the learn practice teach and to have an incredible impact, someone needs to adapt obsession and curiosity into their lifestyle?

 

Ryan Avery

I would say obsession as long as it's nourishing. So there are obsessions that can take over your life in a way that doesn't allow you to experience the rest of your life.

And I don't believe that that is the right thing to do. So I agree with you in the fact that I am absolutely obsessive with understanding language and learning how communication can improve your entire operation.

I am obsessed with that. But I don't let that obsession take over the rest of my life in the sense of taking away from my children or taking away from my personal activities or things like that.

Now, are there times when I am more focused and dedicated in certain areas and it's timely? Absolutely. When I train for world records or when I train or when I write books or when I do things like that, I have certain pockets of dedication time where I might put something off to the side, but I ultimately understand if I'm doing that for too long.

And having that realization of okay I'm assessing about this too much.

 

Matt Zaun

Do you think that's. Yeah, no, I appreciate mention the nursing part would you say that quote unquote hustle culture tears at the fabric of nourishing or do you think they can can walk side by side.

 

Ryan Avery

And absolutely it tears it apart social media hustle I mean one of the best things my one of my mentors made me do one time is write down everything you want in a year all your monthly expenses and I'm talking right down you got a plane you got a driver you got whatever it is that you want.

Okay. And so my wife and I do this and we write down, you know, this was maybe like seven years ago, eight years ago and we write down.

want a plane and we want two homes and we want this and it wasn't even close to a million dollars a year.

Like wasn't even close. And so you're like, whoa, you could have a chef and fly private and have a couple homes and do all these things for less than a million.

And then you're like, well, what? Why is it so important to make all this money and do all these things?

Well, then you then you start to really shed some ego there. Well, maybe you don't need a plane and okay, we do like a chef.

We do have a chef, so we like that. And okay, we don't necessarily need four homes or anything like that.

And then you're like, wow, this is really our budget. This is our budget that makes us feel like billionaires.

And we're bringing this is the amount of income that we want. What are why are we hustling more than that?

You know, we're investing, we give 10% of our income away. this hustle, this belief that you have to wake up at 3 a.m.

and you have to sacrifice so many things. I will say 100% the start of my business, I absolutely worked hard and I absolutely worked smarter than most, but I never really felt like I had to sacrifice things.

Have I had to wake up at 4 a.m. to get some things done? Of course, is that my everyday routine?

No, my wife and I woke up at 7 a.m. together this morning and we snuggled and it was great because my kids were over at my parents.

So yeah, I'm not interested in, not interested in this hustle for no reason or this hustle to have another follower or this hustle to, yeah, it seems empty.

It seems really empty to me. I think there's a lot of wisdom of what you said. Yeah. I'm happy with 10 followers, I guarantee.

you're not going to be happy with a million. Absolutely not. You're not going to be happy with a million.

Like if you don't understand that you're impacting someone's life at a level of 10, I can look at people who have 2 million followers who still want five, and they can't wait to get five.

And OK, well, then you're just chasing something empty.

 

Matt Zaun

Yeah, absolutely.

 

Ryan Avery

I don't have social media. I don't have social media. I don't have anything like that. And people always tell me, they're like, you're crazy.

You do it. People will follow you. And I'm like, well, the people that follow me are the people that I like, and then I want.

 

Matt Zaun 

And then they'll go and spread my message.

 

Ryan Avery

And they'll go and spread their own message.

 

Matt Zaun 

So yeah. Yeah, I appreciate you mentioning that, Ryan. I think there's a tremendous amount of wisdom in that. So why are we hustling more than that?

It's really the question that we should be asking. As soon as you said that my mind went to, I consider a powerful visual.

It's something that one of, not necessarily a mentor of mine, but definitely a good friend of mine. I remember.

Yeah. I was out to dinner one night with him and this was several years ago and I was working my guts out like exactly what you said.

Early mornings, late nights, burning the candle on both ends. I was exhausted. I mean, I was working so unbelievably hard for my clients and I'll never forget.

I'm sitting at dinner and he takes, he takes water. So he has a cup of water and then he takes another cup of water and he's dumping water into this cup and it's just spilling all over the table.

I'm like, what in the world are you doing? And he said, Matt, this is exactly what you're doing. He said, at some point you cannot fill this cup anymore.

That's why water is spilling out of it. He said, you can't work any harder than what you're doing right now.

And you've tapped, you tapped out your ability to offer value. Now all you're doing is you're destroying yourself. And I'll never forget him saying that at some point, we're offering so much value, but we have to ask ourselves, you know, why are we hustling more than that?

So I really, I did my, immediately went to that vision, which probably happened maybe seven years ago or eight years ago, but I that brought up that that story.

 

Ryan Avery

Two things I really like the way that you say water. I love that. And secondly, one of my other mentors, she she said, would your 10 year self ago like yourself today or be proud of yourself today?

Like, what would your what would yourself 10 years ago think about you today? And I was like, oh my gosh, it'd be freak they'd be freaking out, man.

Like we live in Australia for part of the year, US for part of the year, I get to be with my I get to pick.

And then when you realize that, you're like, oh my gosh, you are you aren't. Okay, it's this I call it machine mentality.

Okay, so what happens is you. It takes a very different type of energy to build the machine versus maintain the machine.

And what happens is no one trains us to make that switch. And so what happens is, yes, you do need energy.

Yes, you do need, you call it obsession or dedication or creativity to build a machine and it takes a lot of work.

Well, once the machine is already built, it does not take that same amount of energy or time or dedication to do it.

In fact, if you do use that same amount of energy, it will destroy the machine. It will hurt the machine.

So it takes a lot of time to build a car. It takes a lot of time to build a business.

But if you're continuing to think that you need to do that same stuff to maintain the things that you did, to do what it is that you want to do, you'll go crazy.

You'll burn out. You'll hurt your machine. And no one teaches us that. No one teaches us the difference between building versus maintaining.

And that was a really big realization for me is, I know longer, and this sounds insane, I know, because there's so many people who are like, dream big, have more.

There's a really big. difference and understanding, you don't need to dream anymore, you need to live the dream that you have accomplished.

And I'm in this mode of my life right now where I am living the dream that I have developed for myself.

And I am lucky enough to live that dream with people that I love and who value my research and who want to listen to my work.

And so anybody who's listening to this right now, do you need to realize that you are in the dream that you've already created for yourself and enjoy it a little bit more?

 

Matt Zaun 

Wow, powerful stuff. So while you're talking, Ryan, this book came up to my mind. It's actually the most recommended book that I've shared with people probably in the last year.

I just keep recommending it and recommending it. I almost feel like it should be required reading. It's by Anna Lamke, who she is a professor professor at Stanford University and she is a psychiatrist, but she wrote this book called Dopamine Nation.

Holy smoke. One, it's a tough read, meaning it's not for the faint of heart. It can go very deep, but you read this book called Dope Me Nation, and basically, we've trained our psyche through social media, through, I mean, think of everything we have in the world today.

You go into a movie and the movie we're watching, it's nowhere even close to movies five years ago. I mean, it's a dopamine overload, and her whole premise is there is a pleasure pain balance.

So almost like a child seesaw going back and forth where there's pleasure and pain. And every time we do something that we love, whether it's a positive thing, like speaking, like you and I speak on stage, and we feel awesome, and we're connecting with the audience, after that, there's a little bit of a low, right?

So that's the positive. And this could be something like reading a good book, watching a movie, it could be connecting with the spouse, right?

There's there's different elements of that pleasure that that really positive. But then there's negative, right? There's there's people that they drink and they drink and they get really.

about the drinking and then there's this pain balance. And I mean, fill it with any kind of crutch or void.

But it's interesting because you're saying about building the machine, maintaining the machine, and then actually living the drink that you've accomplished.

 

Ryan Avery

And there's so many people out there, even billionaires that they end up destroying themselves because they keep going and going and they keep having all these pleasurable experiences, but it's never enough.

It's absolutely never enough. So it just made me think of that booked open mean nation. Yeah, if you go back to the machine analogy, you can see it, you know it, where it's, you build this car, it says car you've always dreamed of.

It's amazing. And instead of even getting in it and driving, you're already thinking about what's the next car I can build versus like, dude, you've got a car right in front of you.

Your ideal car that you wanna go and drive. And I'm using car metaphors, but you can be put anything, right?

You drop the thing that you've been doing because you're searching for something else. And that's very external, right? Your happiness comes internal.

And so that switch from external to internal really important, the understanding of are you consuming to numb or are you consuming to nourish is very important to understand.

 

Matt Zaun

Oh, wow.

 

Ryan Avery

So I like to look at that is, does this make me feel good after? Okay, so most of the times things that we do make us feel good during that time, but does it make us feel good after?

And I say that because there are multiple times throughout the week that I need to watch an hour of you pointless YouTube videos, you know, and it makes me feel good afterwards because, you know, my mind was racing and I needed to take it, but sometimes I watched it a little bit too long or I do, you know, and I go into that rabbit hole and it's been two and a half hours and I look down and I got to go pick up my kids from school and I'm like, what did I waste my time on here?

That did not make me feel good. That was not nourishing.

 

Matt Zaun

That was numbing.

 

Ryan Avery

Sure. So does it and consuming, you know, physical, mental, spiritual, whatever the consumption is, is it something that you are using to numb or is it something that you're using to know?

and you know that by saying, does this make me feel good after?

 

Matt Zaun 

That is a powerful question to ask. Again, a lot of wisdom in that I appreciate you sharing that. And so we started with the world record or the world records, right?

And I find it interesting because often in the speaking world, as you know, it can be almost glitz and glamour in a certain respect where people see us on stage all the different things that you are.

There's different experiences that happen. And I believe from the last time we had a conversation to this, you had a major incident in your life, right?

You had a house fire. Yeah. Let's talk about that. So aside from all the awesome pictures and all the footage that people can go check out, take us through even now today, after you've accomplished all this stuff, you get a major setback like a fire.

 

Ryan Avery

Take us through that. Explain a little bit about the experience, share the story with us, and we can kind of dissect that a little bit.

Yeah, I mean, 20, 22 was by far the hardest year of my life. I had COVID and then I had long COVID and I'm healthy, right?

I'm this 35 year old healthy Ironman kid and I couldn't even go up the stairs without having to pause to catch my breath for months and months and months.

I couldn't play with my kids. I lost family to COVID, I lost friends to COVID and then my house got destroyed by a fire and it's a really weird feeling when, you know, it's a Thursday afternoon and you get a call and then you're looking at your home and you get a call and you get a call.

Destroy it and you can't get anything. You can't do anything. You have nothing And you're like I gotta go pick up my kids, but where do I take them?

What where do I where do we go right now? And how do I tell them that they don't have stuffed animals or how do I tell them that what they're wearing is what they're wearing like how what do I do here?

And Yeah, it was a very challenging personal year is very challenging business year is very challenging All of the above and then on the flip side It was this you know Reberthing year and it was my second best year in business.

We've been doing this for 11 years now and so it turned out to be okay Yeah, it was a It's a roller coaster and you know, I like roller coasters and so one of my coaches He says no nobody rides a roller coaster to get to the end Enjoy the ride Right, you wouldn't want to go on a roller coaster that was flat so you want to go people who like if you don't like roller coasters You're not gonna like this analogy, but those of us you do it

The better roller coaster is the one that has the twists and the turns, the ups and the downs, the things that you don't expect and it flips you around and it gets you back and you catch a breath.

Right. And ultimately that's what life is for me. And what I would recommend if you don't like that analogy is pick something because everything is like that.

Okay, I'm looking out at my like right now and lakes freeze, like stall. You can go ice fishing in the winter and you can go paddle boarding in the summer.

There are opportunities where everything is changing. And if you're constantly sitting in the winter time going, Oh, I want to paddleboard versus realizing, Oh, well, right now I can go ice skating or I can go ice fishing.

There's other opportunities for me versus thinking about what I like to do in the summer time, this perspective. Is it really is a really important concept in life and yeah it 20 22 is a challenge is.

It really, really challenged me and my family and my kids and my wife and my relationship. My been in, you know, my wife and I have been there 16 years.

And it was one of the most challenging years of our relationship. I mean, there were two times where we, we asked each other like, what are we doing together?

Do we want to be together? And I don't know if it was the fire that did that. I don't know if it was the heartache.

I don't know if it was, you know, bouncing around from hotels to, to houses, to living with my parents to all the different things, you know, but ultimately we decided we're better together and we're not going to say together by chance.

We're going to say to be a choice. So what choices do we need to make to improve our relationships?

So yeah, like uncovered a lot of things for us too. Already while we were, you know, open and felt wounded, more wounds kept coming.

More loss kept coming, but ultimately it helped grow us a lot too.

 

Matt Zaun 

Yeah. So I appreciate you sharing that story. And the reason why I bring it up is because you mentioned the social media piece and kind of what it's doing to society briefly.

And it's fascinating because we'll see someone and they just looks awesome, right? But we don't know what's happening behind the scenes.

And you know, you've reached a level in the speaking world that the overwhelming majority of professional speakers would be jealous of or they covet.

Oh my gosh, I'd love to get to that level. And you know, they see you just completely dominating stages and connecting with your audience in a level that very few people can actually get to.

But yet, you're still going through a really challenging situation in 2022. So what would you do to whether it's inspire or share with people listening?

I know it sounds, it sounds like something people have heard again and again, but there's something so dangerous in the comparison game where people looked at you in 2022.

And I'm sure someone in your audience probably thought, Oh man, I wish I had what Ryan Avery had. dream life, thinking that everything in life just is awesome and just it happens for you in an easy way.

But yeah, you're going through this very traumatic, horrific experience. So what would you say to people that they get so trapped into this comparison game?

 

Ryan Avery

Well, I do. I do have an awesome life. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful that I live in a society that values educational teachings in a speaking way and pays for it.

Like I'm, I sure am very grateful for that. And I mean, the biggest piece of advice that I would give within that is we don't say or in our family, we say and so it doesn't have to be one or the other.

It can be both. So life can be easy and hard. Life can be really happy and sad. I mean, this is like, this is what happened.

I get off of one of the biggest stages I've ever keynoted before. And then I also get a call that they want me to come back next year and I book another speech.

So it's like one of the coolest days. I make more money in like a 24 hour period than most people make a year.

It's insane. I'm like so happy. Within like 20 minutes, I'm laughing because sometimes when I get uncomfortable, I laugh.

But my dad calls me to tell me my grandmother dies. And then my sister calls me to tell me her dog dies.

And this is like our family dog, right? And so here I'm sitting in an airport with no one experiencing this joy of people are valuing my research and content so much that they want to pay me to come and speak all over the world to teach them this.

While sitting with, I didn't get to say bye to my grandmother. She just died and so did my dog.

And it's this real life thing. It's this isn't me experiencing this. This is what we all experience. So to believe that you can only be a

experience a high or a low is really dangerous, is really unhealthy. But to understand we can do both, we can have a high and a low at the same time.

You are allowed to feel nervous and excited. You are allowed to feel happy and sad to believe you have to choose only one is very detrimental to your mental health and is very not real.

It's not human. So the biggest advice that I would give with comes to comparison is here's the difference between jealousy and inspiration to me.

Okay, jealousy is seeing someone and going, I can't believe they get to do that. Okay, inspiration is seeing someone and going, Oh, I can't believe they get to do that.

It's being able to see yourself in them with understanding that if they did it, you can do it as well.

So everything that's making you jealous right now, get rid of it. Everything that makes you inspired, keep it and look at the ways that you inspired, keep it and look at the ways that you

You can find and catch yourself of when you're trying to choose an or versus pick an and that would be my advice.

 

Matt Zaun 

Wow. That's like a mic drop moment right there. I appreciate that. So let's dive a little bit deeper into the emotions though, because I want I want people to process this.

OK, I don't think we do a good enough job as a society understanding or even allowing ourselves to process emotions, especially in the business place.

I mean, my goodness. I, you know, if for people listening that are familiar with Bernay Brown's work, you know, Atlas of the heart, she talks about numerous emotions.

And then I heard a stat recently that the average CEO in the United States can really only truly process three emotions, which is kind of a horrifying statistic.

When you think about all the emotions that are out there, there's over 80 emotions, but the average CEO can can only truly identify three emotions in a very quick turnaround time.

And I don't know, I guess from a gender perspective too, I'll speak for myself. So me as a man, I've had to even recently, and I think as we continue to grow, we'll never get to the end of the journey with this, but I'm learning how to process my own emotions on a deeper level, right?

And it's okay to be in an emotion. Over the holiday, we had a two-week holiday break and I'm telling my kids, they want it back to back to back to back activities, right?

They constantly want to be entertained and entertained. And my wife and I were like, laying on the couch, we're like exhausted.

I remember looking at my three kids and I said to them, you know, it's okay to be bored sometimes.

I remember saying that to them, I was just so exhausted. It's okay to be bored sometimes. And I was sharing that with one of my mentors, and he said, you know, Matt, it's okay to be angry sometimes too.

It's okay to be sad sometimes, Matt. And he's like throwing it back in my face, like it's okay to sit in the emotion.

I think for me as a man. but I want to naturally or you could say culturally or whatever you want to say, like it got me the point of when to fix everything, right?

So I'm angry. I got to fix it. I'm tired. I got to fix it. I'm sad. I've got to fix it.

And you know, it's okay to sit in that emotion. So I love that, that, that it's not an or there's an and so I really appreciate that.

Would you say too, with all of your work and everyone that you've spoken to, can you speak to just what maybe something we've got right and something we got wrong as a society when it comes to the business world from the emotional perspective?

Like, do you believe that maybe culture's changing? Where we're starting to sit in our emotion? Or do you think because of social media, it's gotten, it's just gotten much, much more difficult?

 

Ryan Avery

I would say the context of what emotion is per gender is interesting to me. So, you know, if someone identifies as female and they're emotional, well, the idea of what you have as emotional is very different than if you call who somebody who identifies as male.

as emotional. They're going to be two very different emotions. I'm like, there's over 80 different emotions. And it's interesting to see like what's perceived as weakness and strength depending on what gender you identify as or what, what you, what you feel.

And so for me, here's my thing. Like, if you, if you ever been to one of my keynotes, I would say, I would say like three out of 10 keynotes I cry in.

Because I'm telling you my real stuff, you know, like I'm talking about my fire. I'm talking about, you know, breaking my legs.

And I'm like talking about things that are real. And I feel like that is the most important aspect of emotion is if you feel like you have to hide who you are or what you feel that you're, you're, you're not going to be able to serve the people.

People. you're trying to add value to in the best way. So if you ever have to now, there's a difference between, you know, demonstrating emotion and hiding emotion, right?

So am I going to ball on stage? No, you know, am I going to quiver my, my chin like I do when I cry at home?

Sometimes no, but am I going to get to the point where tears, you know, swell up in my eyes and you can tell that I am maybe crying, but crying isn't the one emotion, right?

There's laughter, there's heartache, there's anger, there's, so there's 80 of them. Um, so yeah, I do hope people see emotion and see it differently for genders and see it differently for strength and weaknesses, depending on how they're demonstrating it and not, and not hiding it.

Don't feel like you have to hide it. Like if you're a man and I keep coming back to this one, but, um, I feel like men feel like they can't cry.

You know, and I feel like If women do, they're perceived as weak. And I disagree with that completely. I believe that we're human and I believe things hit us differently.

And I believe if there's an emotion from happy to sad. And that's the same, you know, there are some men who are actually, no, I'm thinking about it.

There's a lot of men that I work with who one of the emotions that they don't like to show is joy in business.

You know, they don't like to smile. They don't like to have fun. The average thing about this, the average child, they smile and laugh over 400 times a day.

 

Matt Zaun

Wow.

 

Ryan Avery

Average adult smiles less than 40 times a day. OK, so something happens from palliative adulthood that takes the joy and the sense out of you.

Well, if you can remember that there are a lot of things to feel emotion about. It's fun. It's a good life.

 

Matt Zaun 

Wow. It's kind of horrifying to think about. You go from 400 to 40.

 

Ryan Avery

Like that's really sad. Some people are like. 40, that seems like a lot. You know, like there are some people who, yeah, they don't express emotion.

 

Matt Zaun 

Wow. Wow. Well, Ryan, thank you for this conversation. Thanks for your, you agreeing to come back after my, my microfel malfunction.

So I appreciate that. I know you're extremely busy. So I very much appreciate your time. I got a ton out of this conversation.

I told you, I'm trying to listen for different things, valuable pieces that I can pull out. And there were, there were too many.

Seriously, like I try to focus on just a few. And I wrote down, I took so many different notes based on our conversation, but there's three things that I'm going to take away that I'm going to remember for quite some time.

One of the first things you said, you mentioned learn, practice, teach, but I appreciate what you said about learning.

We talked about the obsession. You said, if it is nourishing and not focusing on the numbing, there's so much wisdom in that.

crazy hustle culture where people are just burning the candle on both ends and it's a negative obsession. So I appreciate you mentioning that regarding the learning piece.

I also appreciate the brief story that you mentioned regarding your mentor challenging you to write everything down that you want and you asking that question, you know, why are we hustling more than that?

Very few people, I mean a lot of quote unquote influencers on social media, they're not going to ask that question, right?

Like why are you hustling more than you need to? Probably goes back to your point about no wonder people aren't smiling and laughing as much.

They don't have time to. And then the third piece that you mentioned that I'm going to take away personally, which is something that I know I need to work on is you said about the difference between building the machine and maintaining the machine.

And for me, it is, I've built different things and sometimes I'm still in that building mode, right? Bill, bill, bill, but I can actually enjoy.

that ties back to the machine, the maintenance of that machine. So again, I appreciate this conversation more than you'll know.

Thank you. If people listening want to get more information on you, what you do, they want to hire you to speak at their company.

 

Ryan Avery

What's the best place they can go to get your information? That's RyanAbry.com. So RyanAbry.com is where you can find all videos, information.

I do weekly Zoom calls with thousands of people on Tuesday. Every Tuesday at 11 AM Central Standard Time. Thanks to Bellevue University.

RyanAbry.com is the best way to do it.

 

Matt Zaun

Perfect. I will include that in the show notes. People can just go find out more on you.

 

Ryan Avery

And again, Ryan, thank you so much for your time today. I very much appreciate it. Thank you, Matt. I appreciate you.