Reflections on the Road to Resilience | Stories With Traction Podcast

SUMMARY: In this episode, Brenda Reynolds and Matt Zaun talk about the 5 Frogs transformational journey and how it can be used to reflect on transitions we’re going through in life.

BRENDA REYNOLDS BIO: Brenda Reynolds is a trusted organization and leadership consultant, executive coach, best-selling author, and international speaker specializing in guiding individuals and client organizations through periods of uncertainty--to navigate change, develop leaders, and foster resilience.

For more info on Brenda:
Website
5 Frogs Transformation Journal

MATT ZAUN BIO: Matt is an award-winning speaker and storyteller who empowers organizations to attract more clients through the art of strategic storytelling. Matt’s past engagements have catalyzed radical sales increases for over 300 organizations that range from financial institutions to the health and wellness industry.

Matt shares his expertise in persuasion with executives, sales professionals, and entrepreneurs, who he coaches on the art of influence and how to leverage this for profits and impact.

For more info, check out Matt Zaun HERE. 

 

*Below is an AI-generated transcript, which may contain errors

 

Matt Zaun 

I am stunned that it's taken this long to have this podcast episode.

My guest today has fundamentally changed my business. I met her through the National Speakers Association. We were in a speaker's mastermind group together for well over a year, and it is an honor and privilege to call her a friend.

Today I'm joined by Brenda Reynolds, who is a trusted organization and leadership consultant, executive coach, best-selling author, and an international speaker.

speaker that specializes in guiding individuals and client organizations through periods of uncertainty to navigate the change, develop leaders, and foster resilience.

Welcome to the show, Brenda.

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

Oh my gosh, it's so good to be here, Matt.

 

Matt Zaun 

That's a beautiful intro. There's a long time coming. I know we had talked about this for quite some time.

I cannot believe it's taken us this long to do this, but I'm really excited because you had a major project that you've been working on launching the world.

People are already receiving transformation based on the work, the blood, the sweat, the tears that you put in, which is the five frogs transformation on journal, cannot wait to discuss that and talk about it.

I went through it myself, and I'm going to go through it a second time. So I'm excited to do that.

Before we do that though, I want to paint a picture for people on how you got to that moment of creating that journal.

I want to start kind of in dark territory and I want to dive in to a major situation in your life that transpired back in 2008.

So you had this major experience in 2008 where you basically had to figure out turning a now what into a why not.

So can you dive into that situation kind of paint the scene for people? was happening? How are you feeling or some of the horrors of that year for you?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

I'm not so pictured this. I'm sitting in the sunroom of the dream home we had built two amazing suns, my husband, terrific consulting practice, the sun is shining, it's 2008, you know, 2008 where the economy took a nose dive.

And truly, I was sitting in that. at some room that day with my head in my hands because the same time the economy was taking a nose dive my life was too.

And I found myself unexpectedly divorcing, about to be a single mom with two beautiful children, but no guaranteed income, no health benefits, and about to make some really difficult life decisions.

In fact, every single aspect of my life changed between 2008 and 2009.

 

Matt Zaun 

So you have great kids, a great home, a great career through BKR consulting. So you're doing what you love, doing what you're passionate about, and you have this major incident where not only is the economy going to go south, but also many elements of your life as well, right?

So take us through that. So what was it like having something you're so passionate about when it comes to piece, and now it being

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

trip delay for lack of better words. What was that like? Yeah, always. This sounds so dramatic, but it felt like someone had just, um, I couldn't breathe.

It felt like somebody. I hate this story, but it felt like someone was putting a news around my neck.

I ended up accepting a position in a healthcare system as their organization development leader, and that required me to drive literally an hour through 70 red lights on my way to work each day.

I had two weeks of vacation. I was making less money than I had in years, and I was sitting in the organization a couple of layers lower than I was probably qualified to, but it's what I needed to do at that time.

And I literally cried on my way to work and back every day or two straight months. Wow.

 

Matt Zaun 

Wow. So it took quite some time to build your consulting up and then to have to leave it based on all the different experiences and situations that were happening.

So how long were you in that role, how long was that?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

I took that role online and they knew, and this is what I love, so for everyone who sits in a leadership role in an organization, what I really respected was this was a group of people whom I had done some consulting for, they knew my work, they knew me, they also knew what was happening in my life.

And they said, come on board, we want your skills and we will take care of you in so many words.

So I was able to go in there and really looking back on it be super supported, I promised them I'd give them more than two years and I gave them four and even when I left I kept them as a key consulting client.

But although I cried so much about that change, like most other changes when they're going on, they are not fun.

But when I look in the rear view mirror now, I know it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I was surrounded by a supportive group of people, horrific professionals. I got skilled up and reminded of what it was like to try to influence an organization from the middle seat.

I learned new things. I got to help build a children's hospital in Orlando, Florida, work with the executive team, and honestly come back out of that situation, a smarter, more empathic consultant, because I had more recently been in the shoes of the people I was serving.

 

Matt Zaun 

So that really helped you get back into the consulting world?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

It did. I ended up talking with them after four years and saying, hey, here's the deal. I really need that.

I became aware during that time frame how much freedom was a value of mine, how important it was. And so I did, I did well for four years, but I needed that freedom back.

And we just had a really collaborative conversation. Now, I will tell you the truth. A woman was hired into a role above me who was, ooh, I'm not even going to fill in the blank.

She was something. She was something. My first conversation with her on the telephone was like nothing I could even conceive of, and she had never even met me.

The executive team and her peer group had to talk with her and tell her to stop her moon girl stuff.

So he had a hand in me considering options. And in 2012, I approached them to say, hey, I'd like to go back out, revamp BKR, bring you along as a client of mine, and here's the deal.

Put me on the hardest organization development jobs you possibly can. I'm paying me as a consultant and that's what I did so for several years then they put me on difficult jobs whether it was doing continuous improvement in the emergency department helping to bring up a children's hospital in Florida working with a surgeon who really needed some executive coaching and formed a really terrific and long-term bond with them.

 

Matt Zaun 

It's a very diplomatic way of saying all that, Brenda, you're very good with your words. So speaking of words, I do want to talk about resilience because I do feel that that word is tossed around all the time.

I mean all the time it almost has lost its luster when we even say the word. We can't even properly picture it anymore because it's so overused.

So what is resilience to you? When you hear that word what's the picture that comes to your mind when you hear resilience?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

There is literally is a picture that comes to my mind and it's a picture that says I can't do this but you do it and then around the turn you get hit with another thing and you think to yourself I can't do this but you do it and you string a bunch of those together I call them now what moments just the now what you go oh my gosh now what somehow you overcome it and then another now what and you overcome it to the point where you string enough of these now what scenarios together and leave over them to the point where you hit another now what and say huh maybe I can do this oh yes I can and where we remember that we have overcome a hundred percent of every obstacle that's ever been put in our way to this day so why would we believe anything more than we're going to overcome the next one that's not to say it's easy but we have the ability to do

do it. And we'll talk about this later. Remembering we don't always have to do that alone either. Reminds us that we're capable of anything if we're willing to also do it with the right people.

So that's how I think about resilience is the word I almost dread tossing out there because it's been so overused.

And I guess I didn't even really start using the word resilience for the longest time. I just continued to talk about early on I was just talking about mastering your now what moments.

But I realized when we do that the outcome is resilience.

 

Matt Zaun 

So let me ask you this because as soon as you say that verbiage I can't do this but I do it.

I'm thinking of things in my life where subconsciously if I really thought about it like I'm thinking to myself I can't do this but we kind of push ourselves.

What should the mentality be will we do that? Are we still able to do it with anxiety or are we pushing aside anxiety?

and jumping in. How do we how do we go about it from a mental perspective?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

Well, there are two things that I tell people, which is to just be present with what's going on for you.

If you are experiencing a lot depression, if you will, if you're kind of stuck or you're feeling, and we all are human, so we all have these experiences just to a different level.

But if you're feeling rather down and unmotivated and depressed, you may be focusing too much on something from the past that's getting you stuck.

If you're feeling really amped up and anxious, you're probably focusing too much on the future, and you're running through all of these terrible, now what outcomes and the key is to reel ourselves back in and stay in the present to say, oh, you know what the reality is?

Things currently are not as bad as I'd like to think they are, and this is from my test. talk.

I did a TEDx talk on navigating transition fog. in that one I talk about turning on your low beam.

When you're navigating a foggy country road, your low beams illuminate like 350 feet in front of you and that's it.

That's all you can see at a time. So I always say to folks, what's the next right move? It's the only thing we ever have to figure out.

And you string a bunch of those together and the next thing you know, you're at your destination. But I think when we can simplify it to what's my next right move, everything is surmountable because we can always take that next step.

And if we absolutely can't for some extreme reason, we need to get someone alongside of us who can help us take that next step.

And by the way, this is personal lives, right? this isn't our organization lives. mean, when I wrote five frogs, I was thinking about personal transformation, but it every bit applies to the client systems I work in.

 

Matt Zaun 

I love that. I love the whole, the whole idea of depressed. You're focusing on the past anxiety focusing on the future.

So when you said the anxiety piece, you're going to future, it reminded me of an interview I saw decades ago with, with Michael Jordan.

So Michael Jordan, a lot of people listening. No, he played under tons of pressure, right? often he was the one that was taking the, the, the, the shot that won the game, right?

And he was asked once, how are you able to stay so calm? So cool. So collected under such intense pressure.

And his response was, I don't focus on the negative potential outcome. I focus on the task at hand. So while he was making that shot, he didn't think about the tens of thousands of eyeballs staring at him.

He didn't think about what sports journalist might negatively negatively print if he missed that shot. He didn't think about lost endorsements.

All he was doing was thinking about, I'm going to take this ball. I'm going to put it into that.

It's something that he had done since he was a child for many, many years. And it's amazing because as you're saying that anxiety piece, often when I experience anxiety, I'm thinking about those negative potential outcomes.

How will I, how will I seem to others? I going to offend someone? people, people laugh if I share a joke, am I going to lose out on this deal, right?

These are all negative potential outcomes. It's not focusing on the task at hand, which for me often is simply speaking, right?

So let's touch on that because I think a lot of people were taught focus on the future, know, after what you want, visualize the future, all these different things.

So how can we kind of stay grounded in we're focusing on the present moment, but also from a planning perspective.

So now we're going into kind of organizational concepts now from a planning perspective. How do you still keep the future in mind, but not have that anxiety?

Is there way to do that?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

that holistically? Such a great thing to talk about, Matt. When I tell my clients, you dream into the future.

So you want to be in that future state for dreaming and visioning and thinking big, but then we act in the present.

So that each have a purpose. The one gets us really stretching ourselves and thinking about what's possible. The other one gets us being in the moment and being strategic about, well, how are we going to get there?

And I often put groups of these activities and exercises and can do it as people or we can do it as teams, right?

Where we look at our past, we start mapping out all of the things we've experienced, all the highs and the lows, and we get most of our learning from the lows and the failures and name those chapters of our past.

They are, they are, they are, one purpose. Our past is simply good for learning. We don't have to keep reliving it.

Just grab the lessons, put it in the past, take those lessons and that's what we take into the future.

And it's so interesting because it's therapeutic when groups go through this and we do it as individuals and map our own personal lives out.

I think we realize how much more resilient and capable we are. I tell a lot of stories and I know that's your sweet spot, Matt, but I tell a lot of stories in my work whether it's speaking or working with teams about my own journeys because I think people can relate to that as humans and as leaders and as team members to remind us of what we've already experienced, how far we've come and enable us to think positively about the future.

 

Matt Zaun 

So I really like what you shared. Our past is good for learning, but we don't need to continue to live there.

So I have a good friend who shared with me recently that at one point in his life, he was petrified of getting fired.

Like an unbelievable, unrealistic thought that the world would literally end if he was fired. Now, what's incredible, this person's in a leadership position at his company.

He's a linchpin in his organization. He's absolutely incredible with what he does. Your top top notch, team member. But he would always have this panic when it came to being fired.

And he spent a lot of time processing, trying to figure out why on earth, like he was never fired in his entire life.

Why on earth is such a fear. And the more he dug into his past to try to unpack this, he realized that at one point in his life, his father was fired on 9-11.

So as the world on TV appeared to be ending, With the towers falling and panic and people running, we all remember 9-11, the world ended that day in certain ways, right?

subconsciously he built up this whole idea in his head that when you're fired it literally means your world is ending, right?

So that really ties back to early childhood trauma.

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

Absolutely.

 

Matt Zaun 

So how much does early childhood trauma really impact our ability to be resilient in a good headspace versus an extremely negative headspace?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

Well, let's just put it this way. My two grown sons in their own way have said to me as they became young men, Mom, we wouldn't want to live that again or want that for you.

But we're really glad we went through some adversity because we're watching our friends who never have, and they're lost, and we have, and so I think there's always that inner voice in them that says, hey, life didn't go perfectly, and I always say a fog rolled in over my perfect life plan in 2008.

And years later, I began to think about the acronym of what fog really was, and fog's a mess keeps coming, but I think it is important to really unpack that.

I mean, I've certainly unpacked my history. I know where some of my triggers are going to be. I know what's going to serve me really well from my history, and the things and the traits and the things I want to carry forward with me, but I also know which ones are old stories.

I've got to let them go. Those things are not going to serve me anymore, I've outgrown them. And even in organizations, we have that conversation.

conversation. Let's map the past, but also figure out what's no longer serving you. Served you was perfect in your past, but not serving you anymore.

You're not the same organization or team you once were, just as we're not the same people we once were.

And what are the new things that you want or what are the things that still serve you really well, that you want to carry into your future?

And those may be things related to the culture or how people interact with each other. But if we never pause to really reflect on those things, which is why my first entree into the world for Fry Frogs is internal, because journaling forces a pause, and I just came up with a new term, as I've been working on these keynotes of mine, and it's posibility.

Because possibilities are only born out of our ability to pause. Pauseability gives us a chance to say why not in the face of our now what, but only if we pause to say, oh, yeah, we got to get rid of that behavior or that self-limiting belief, like, oh, I'm going to get fired.

Oh, I had to take this thing with me and carry it forward. Oh, look how I was able to pivot in 2008.

If I can do that, I can do anything. You know, so power the pause.

 

Matt Zaun 

Power the pause. All right. So I'm holding the five frogs transformational journal in my hand. So I love the way this is put together.

It is absolutely incredible. It actually even feels really good in my hand. Everyone says, I am not the best sleeper.

Okay, so and. which is kind of horrifying when you think about it because we're supposed to live one-third of our life and I suck at that one-third of my life, right?

Which is not good. So typically I don't have issues falling asleep, it's staying asleep. happens to me is I wake up at two or three o'clock in the morning and then my mind is racing, right?

It's really difficult to turn my mind off. And one of the things that my wife recommended that I do is if you're going to toss and turn for hours on end until it's time to get up, why don't you simply get up and just start writing, writing all of the different thoughts that are coming into your head.

Just keep writing and writing and writing and and then once you're done and you get it out of your head then go back in bed and go to sleep and that has helped in many ways.

That has helped. So using that example, what other situations in a life, even outside of sleeping, would this pause be good for for people to go through this journal and journal.

Talk about different areas. are some examples, not just not just career wise, but maybe other examples. just gave you one sleep.

But what are some that you would say, Hey, if you're going through this, if you're focused on this, someone could go through this journal and get results from it.

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

Anytime you're experiencing a change of sort, and the change can be welcome or unwelcome, because change still triggers a lot of emotion for us.

Anytime you're having your own now, what moment, what I'm loving about the journal going out into the world, Matt, is everyone's telling me the purpose is serving for them, some of which were never intended.

I've got someone who's who bought this and her husband is going through a major reorganization in his job. And so he's freaked out about it.

And so he's been pouring through book, they're having a little fight because he needs to get his own because she doesn't want him in her journal.

I've got another person whose husband is in the military and about to be deployed and really on some uncertain ground about what their future is going to look like, where they're going to be, what he's going to be doing.

She sent me a picture of his face in the journal of what I most loved was that March Madness was in the background on the TV while he's looking at the book.

I've had a church group approach to me to say they'd like to hang their divorce care program on the concepts from five frogs.

I am speaking to a health care system or two in the coming weeks. They're using it to give it away to their employees as a tool for building resilience or helping them navigate the change the organization is starting to impose on them.

So it's taken on a life of its own. There's another guy in California talking to me about customizing it for his high-tech clients who are experiencing a lot of burnout.

So I'd say I had someone else say you should be speaking to high school or college groups about this.

High school seniors are about to be launched into a world like no other graduates from college. those are positive events, but even those changes stir us up.

And when I'm feeling stirred up and I don't journal every day, but when I have this thing that goes on to me emotionally, it takes me a minute and then I go, oh, that means I'm supposed to journal because on the other side of the journaling is usually some clarity.

Either I just feel good because it was a therapeutic relief, or I get some clarity about what's really going on for me, or I get some clarity about a next step I'm supposed to take.

So really Matt, I think it serves a lot of purposes and the world is sort of reflecting that back to me.

 

Matt Zaun 

I appreciate you mentioning that too. I'll tell you where I started and now why. I'm going to go through it a second time.

So my main focus, the very first time that I picked this up was to focus on the transformation that I made from really having an unhealthy identity to a healthy identity.

So what I mean by unhealthy was over drinking, over eating, not properly exercising. That was my life, right? And I've transitioned now into having my identity more focused on, hey, I am a healthy person.

Hey, I do eat clean. Hey, I do have three sessions of weight bearing exercises a week. I do regularly go on walks.

Now, are those all positive things? Yes, but it was a lot of transformation from, I mean, talk about just the quality of life.

Yes, good, but the way that I'm eating, the way that I'm avoiding certain things, like it was definitely transformation.

And that this has helped. Now, I'm excited to go through it a second time because this time I'm focusing on something that I'm transitioning.

What it comes to business, so there's a The very specific business model that I have, the way that I've set up my business, the way that I handle my time, that's all transitioning.

And it's all good, like I'm excited about it. I'm also stressed about it too, because it goes back to the question, I can't do this, but I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. So this is gonna really help with that, because I'm excited to not just look at blank sheets of paper and journal, but you're some really, really good prompts in here that get you to think to dive even deeper.

So how did those prompts come out? it just life that you've gone through, or where did you pull all these different prompts to get this?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

is awesome. Hey, I'm Mark. I'm thinking people are probably thinking, what's with the frog? What are you talking about, guys?

I think it was just life and the work that I do with groups and organizations. What became apparent to me, well, only to start way back during, let's go back to 2008 again for a minute Matt.

My divorce attorney told me one day, Brenda, whatever you do, don't come in here and tell me about some man and guy you've met who's going to save the day until you've kissed at least five for us.

Now, dating with the last thing on my mind in that moment, it seemed like a strange comment for him to make to me, but it stuck with me and I thought, oh my gosh, I have to like go on five dates, that seemed insurmountable to me, but eventually I did and I thought, well, maybe I'll write a book about this, I'll be my five frogs, one, two, three, four, five.

And then by the fifth frog, I was like, this will be the lamest book in the world, that is not happening.

So I did not write that book. One day I was walking by the TV and I heard a lot of ants say frogs is an acronym for fully reliant on God.

And a little part of me said, yeah, right, because God seemed pretty missing in my life at that point.

But I tucked it away. And then over time, because I had to live it before I could write about it, I started to think back on all of the faces and stages I was moving through.

And the first one was the freakout stage. So I'm back to my sunroom with my face and my hands.

I'm freaking out. Things feel like they're falling apart. I'm frustrated, know, so that F stages where all of the feelings come up, which you just referenced, Matt, even though you're on this exciting new business adventure, fear and excitement coexist in that F space.

That is not unusual. And then as we start to move further, and by the way, this is not a nice neat linear path, but we eventually find a bunch more new responsibilities coming our way.

And in that stage, we would be really wise to pause, reflect and reframe a lot of what's going on for us.

with over time we're overcoming obstacles. Gee, I think I'm growing. And as we actually crown a more resilient, stronger, expanded version of ourselves, and I keep building this model out more and more and more, because within each of those five phases are some unconscious behaviors that we need to suck and get more intentional about to get a good outcome.

So for example, if we are unconscious during the time that we're freaking out, you might stuff your feelings down, yeah, voice in your head tells you you shouldn't feel this way.

This is ugly, this is unbecoming. You might do guilt-free explosion on your colleagues or your partner. You may just

victim mentality. But if you pause long enough to go, wait a minute. I don't want to do my blind reflex.

The posibility is to say, the smartest thing I can do, and I'm thinking to you, Matt, in this moment with my business change is feel the feelings, acknowledge them.

Yeah, this is fear. Yeah, it's sitting right next to excitement. Yeah, today I'm excited. Yeah, today I feel demotivated.

But for letting those feelings flow through us, so they don't get stuck, journaling is just one way of doing that.

For other people, it's punch and pillows, it's running out in the woods and screaming, know, whatever works for people, having a focus group in your organization so people can fluff out their feelings about the changes that are coming their way.

But that's how it came to me. I can't say it was intentional. It kind of showed up. And it got really crazy because frogs literally began showing up in my life everywhere.

It was dreaming about frogs, seeing them in stores, all kinds of frog things were showing up. I finally researched what frogs mean, like what are they symbols of?

And frogs are a symbol of transformation. So it all just sort of kept coming together.

 

Matt Zaun 

So I want to talk about the F real quick because a lot of times people get tripped up on that.

I appreciate you mentioning excitement, anxiety can coexist. You know, unfortunately, when it comes to anxiety, we can make some really bad decisions based on anxiety that we are experiencing.

Like think of all the times people go through anxiety, they want to stop that, and they make a really bad decision.

So yes, pausing, I love that, that plausibility is so, I think there's a lot of wisdom in that. But when they pause, what are some things that we should focus on in that pause to make sure that we're not going to allow anxiety to.

to cause us to make a really poor decision.

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

I would say pay attention to what are your feelings? So for example, if you're feeling angry, anger is, anger is a secondary emotion.

There's something under that often. Maybe you're hurt, or you feel abandoned, or you feel betrayed, or you feel disappointed.

And that's why you're angry, but try to get to that sore emotion. Pay attention to the voices in your head and what they're saying to you, because man, our voices in our head talk to us worse than we would ever talk to anyone else.

My nephew called me recently, he graduated from college, couldn't find job in his field, took a temporary position in a bank, but knew he didn't want to stay there forever.

Saw an opportunity come up in his field, but called me. to say and really express all of the negative self talk that was going on.

Oh, but you know, and Brenda, how will I ever explain why I haven't worked in my field yet? What about this and what about that?

Really, he was articulating the negative voices in his head. So we could challenge those overcome those and show him that they were fear.

And you may have heard this before is false evidence appearing real. So you've got to get the fear out and challenge it or have a friend or colleague challenge it to say, well, that's just not true.

And so that's another thing I talked about in the app stage is getting in touch with those negative voices in our heads.

And one of the quotes that I think about is when nothing is sure, which is what the F stage is about, nothing feels very sure.

When nothing is sure, everything is possible. So, when I get in a freak out moment, a little part of me says, get excited, something is coming, something big is coming, whether it's growth or an opportunity, but you are so uncomfortable that something's coming and, gee, look at all the possibilities that are in front of you.

Sometimes we aren't loving it until we've moved through it, but I think to remember that being in that uncomfortable space in the past has only led to some better things is the reminder.

 

Matt Zaun

So, let's do this because I think this will be really helpful, Brenda. So, I'm going to give you a very real situation.

I'll be very vulnerable with you and you can kind of coach me through the five frogs, if you will.

Now, I think the beauty of this is I feel like a ton of transition has been made. So, I feel that I could speak to the past because I do think there's been a little

but of a struggle victory story that that has emerged, but yet there's still more that needs to be done in this arena as well.

So let's start with with my health. Okay, so here's here's a situation regarding my health. I'm sure there are a lot of people listening to this podcast that might be able to relate to this.

I've had a yo-yo diet so to speak for ever. So just to give people background, I was a wrestler.

I wrestled for 10 years, though it provided me a ton of opportunities to have grit, though I feel like I've been able to work very hard in my life in many situations.

It also caused major detriment from a mental health perspective because in wrestling, you constantly need to make the scale.

You're putting yourself through ridiculous extremes that even in today, I don't even know if I allow in high school wrestling programs across the country, talking trash bags, weddings, spitting, being numerous ounces of

above weight of that day and then getting down to weight that really messed me up with my relationship to food.

So there have been times in my life where I have been very, very heavy and times of my life that I've been what many would consider very fit.

Okay. I've also had back issues, right? So when I get heavier, it puts a lot of strain on my back and I go through back pain, I go through hip pain.

Okay. So the positive is before the major transformation, I was over drinking, over eating, and I viewed myself as an unhealthy person.

Okay, I was not exercising. I wasn't even focused on my health. The transition is now I am focusing on my health.

I do regularly go to the gym. I do have a fitness coach that's she is amazing, incredible fitness coach that I work with.

I have radically limited my alcohol intake. I am, you know, eating well, but the anxiety comes in on, is this just another season of my life?

And then above going to get above that mountain and i'm going to start going back down into the valley and it's going to start going back to what i was that before so walk me through that anxiety so we're now we're at the f right the fear yes so and part of that fear part of what allows us to move beyond the fear.

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

And into the r stage, which is the you're taking responsibility now Matt, but allows you to get there what bridges it is the stand you've taken you've changed what i'm going to call your stand everybody knows what that is.

We we may have taken a stand in the past stop smoking you may have taken a stand to get healthier the way you're talking about it, but you change the stand is I am a healthy fit individual that's your stand.

That never changes if that is your stand then every in every behavior you're going to take you have to put through that filter.

Hey, is this thing I'm about to do? congruent with my stand or not, right? This is where we get really intentional.

And guess what? Sometimes we're gonna fall short of living into that stand. You're gonna eat or drink something you wish you hadn't.

You're gonna skip your workout. The key is to not waver on your stand, but to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, I am a healthy fit individual.

So you make another decision. If we don't get conscious about that stand, we just go into our reflex behavior, which is whatever's easiest at the time.

I think you raised another good point too, Matt, which is no when to involve professionals. know, no one you people need a therapist, no one they need a fitness coach, one you need a speaking coach, a leadership consultant or leadership coach.

So often there's a lot to learn from them One of the biggest things they bring to us is accountability.

They help us live up to that stand, whatever it is. So you freaked out, you're like, no, I can't continue like this.

You reflect it, you got responsible, you hired that person, you began, you created a stand, you began new behaviors.

Now you're in the O stage, you're starting to overcome obstacles. One of the obstacles you are aware of is that you don't want to create a belief system that says, this is temporary.

Oh, the next shoe is going to fall, the next season of my life, I'll just yoyo back to my bad behaviors again.

So you now know that is an obstacle for you, that you have to challenge for yourself and invite others to challenge.

So you're dreaming into the future. Matt's not just like this for the next three months, Matt is like this.

for the next however many years, and then you renew that stand to say, yes, I'm going to keep buying into this stand at every turn.

And then you start to see the growth in that, and you start saying, oh, I'm not craving that anymore.

Gee, am craving going for a walk. Gee, really do want to work out. I really get a kick out of that.

It's good for my mental health. And you come out out the side, stronger and more resilient. And then from that S stage, what we often find ourselves doing is serving other people through the journey we've just been on.

I bet you, your fitness coach, went through his or her own five-progs journey, had their own struggles, got excited about their own growth, and are now serving people like you to help them get on track.

So it's from that place that we can better. I say you do two things in the S stage. self-abrate, made that word up, but you self-abrate.

We have to pause long enough to appreciate. the journey we just traveled through and then we serve from that place.

How do I help others? Even if it's just in a coffee shop having a conversation with somebody who's on their similar journey, we serve in those ways or we serve in really formal ways to help other people.

So I don't know if that's what you were looking for, Matt, that that's how I think about applying the FROGS to your scenario.

 

Matt Zaun 

Sure, sure. let me let me repeat that back to you just for clarity's sake and just making sure that I'm getting the stages right.

So the freaking out for me, I could tell you exactly what it was. It was August 20th of 2022.

That's when I had my major, major nervous breakdown. So basically everything came to a head, poor diet, crazy amount of travel, just my body and my mind shut down.

Okay, so I'll never forget it. I was laying on my couch could barely get up for days, right? I was completely...

completely fries. When we talk about burnout, that was it for me, right? The reflecting and responsibility the R was me reaching out to the fitness coach that I have now.

Basically, she came up with an incredible plan for me right out of the gate. And she was so attuned to all the different things happening that was very slow easing in, right?

was incredible with giving me what I needed in that moment. And now the plan that I have versus back then is night and day, right?

It's so it's progressed so much. So then we have the O, the overcoming obstacles. Now, this might sound silly, but for me, this was pretty big was because I was de-stressing with alcohol and especially traveling as much as I did.

When I'm in an airport, I had to ask myself, I could either have two drinks right now to de-stress, or I could have a higher protein, whatever that is, chicken, or some type, some-

thing to replace the calories of the alcohol, right, knowing that that food intake going to help my health and fitness objectives now versus what was happening before, okay?

So that's really the obstacle. So then walk me through the G and the S again. So growing right now would be what in this instance?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

You've already referenced it. When you said, gee, the way I started with my coach and where I am now are two different things.

Like, notice it's not always this nice linear thing. You're doing all of them at the same time. You're jumping around like a frog, right?

One day you're still probably freaking out. You probably have days where you freak out and you go, oh my gosh, you know, I fell off the wagon or whatever it may be.

The next day you go, whoa, I'm lifting heavier weights. Gee, I just made that really healthy decision in the airport.

So over time, you're overcoming those obstacles and you're growing. You are growing in your self-awareness. You're growing in the new choices you're making.

You're growing in the ways that that you're now modeling something different for your children. Growth is happening at every level.

I suspect whenever we work on one part of our life, let's just say it's your physical fitness, we can't help but automatically grow in other spaces.

Our mental health improves, our mental clarity improves, our family dynamics improve, our self-worth improves, right? So those rising waters float all boats.

And so the growth can happen in other places too. You walk on a stage differently because you feel better about yourself and then you move into that S stage.

And here's the thing, it's not like we finally arrive and say, whoa, well yeah, that's done because life is just gonna throw the next thing at us and the more convicted we are about a change we're going through and we wanna make happen in our lives often life throws what I call.

across current status, which are the challenges to say, yeah, how can we install you that you can stay the course?

Let's see. We're going to throw some challenges your way. So trust me, as someone who speaks to groups on change and uncertainty and resilience, it's become a joke because I think life gives me a triple dose of it on any given day just to remind me or just to say so.

You still think this is what you know so much about? So you still want to serve in this capacity and it's come to a point where you can just laugh about it and know that all of that living is going to make some great content down the road.

 

Matt Zaun 

Sure, sure. So you also just answered another question I have. So really focusing on that ask that that so when you said serve, is that what you mean regarding the like

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

Now you're going out and you are you're helping in that capacity with the influence you now have through the growth stage Yeah, I think three things about the S stage as outcomes if we pause and really like once we get to a certain level of accomplishment Number one we we pause to self-abraid like celebrate ourselves for this thing.

just navigate it We share with others. So that means sharing our story sharing your learnings Sharing by supporting others and serving them So those are some of the S possibilities that happen when we're in that S stage because we're really celebrating the fact that we've evolved When I was sitting there 2008 and beyond and people kept asking me about my what was next.

had no idea what life was gonna bring me But I kept making this gesture You know where I would push my hands out in front of me in this expansive

And then he did not know for the longest time what I was trying to say I wanted life to be.

And then it came to me, I want my life to be expansive. And sometimes it's okay to be a glow stick.

We have to break before we glow. So our now want moments sometimes break us down. Things fall apart so that they have a chance of falling together differently.

And in the S-stage, that's our glow stick, that's what we're glowing. People are wondering what we did, how we got there, podcasters are asking them to talk about it.

had nauseam like we are today, so we are sharing and serving.

 

Matt Zaun 

For sure. For sure. Well, thank you so much for putting this into the world. I mean that sincerely, like I had mentioned, I've already gone through it once, I'm about ready to go through it a second time.

I don't think it's going to be the last time I go through it. But I could see people going through this in many, many, many different instances in life because it's just really good for all kinds of aspects of transformation.

So thank you for that. Thank you for the conversation today. I really appreciate our conversation. You shared a ton of wisdom with us.

There were three things that I'm going to have is takeaways from our conversation, Brenda. So the three or the first one is I appreciate you mentioning I can't do this, but I'm going to do it anyway.

And then you mentioned something that's very important. You said we're in a depressed stage. We're thinking about the past when we're in an anxiety driven stage.

We're thinking about the future. I appreciated that. The second piece was you mentioning you dream into the future, but we act into the present.

That's so important, so important to recognize that we need to continue to keep dreaming, looking down the road into the future, but we act in the present moment.

We can't, we can't focus. because too much on the future. So I appreciate that, at least in that moment.

And then the third and final piece was I, it was kind of, um, I don't know if it hit people the same way, but it really caused me to pause when you said it, you said anger is a secondary emotion, you need to get to the source.

I think that's really important because often we get angry because our goal has been blocked, right? Some type of obstacle has, has been put up and now we're angry and we need to really pause and reflect and what was this anger coming from?

Go deeper and deeper and deeper to try to figure out where that's actually coming from. So I appreciate that.

So those are my three takeaways. So if anyone listening wants to get more information on you or they want to get this transformational journal, where can they go to get those two pieces of information?

 

Brenda K. Reynolds 

You'll find more about me and the five frogs transfer. make the journal on amazon.com perfect i will include that in the show notes people just click and go friend i thank you again for your time today i really appreciated it i appreciate you i'm thankful that you shared your journey uh so openly today matt i think it will inspire others and to remember that you know a group of frogs is called an army so you know who's in your army i consider you in my army i'm happy to be in your army and i hope we are in your listeners army today that sounds great thank you